10 healthy habits when spending time with God
I was just whining to my website designer (and friend) that I’m a mess. I don’t always keep to a routine. I like change. I’m a bit scattered—unless I’m not. I don’t like change. See? I’m doing it again!
It has taken a lifetime to accept that I will NEVER be that Christian girl whose Bible study materials are neatly stacked in a basket beside her favorite chair, waiting for the 6:00 a.m. alarm to ring. My coffee gets cold, I forget to light the warm vanilla scented candle, and I can’t concentrate if music is playing in the background. If that gets me cancelled as a Bible teacher, that’s okay. (Is cancel-culture still a thing? If so, I’ve got a lot to say about that…)
Anyway, from the perspective of an imperfect person trying to use the gifts God has given her to inspire and encourage the next generation (Generations W-Z are welcome, too), there are some practical things to think about when spending time with God. Note, these aren’t rules and regulations, as that goes against the freedom Christ came to bring (Galatians 5:1). It’s about being in a personal relationship with your Creator, seeking to know Him and love Him to the best of your ability.
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1
Building and maintaining a healthy relationship with God is similar to building healthy relationships with people. HOWEVER (and this is key), we must acknowledge that God’s part in the relationship is not and will never be equal. Why?
He is holy. We are not. He is praiseworthy. We are not. His ways are perfect. Ours are not.
He is God. We are not.
With that as our starting point, let’s look at 10 habits for building healthy relationships.
1. To build healthy relationships, consider others first. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves (Philippians 2:3).”
Simply put, if you’re coming to God for what you can get out of Him, you may need an attitude adjustment. It’s not that God doesn’t have good things to give, but make sure to approach Him with the honor, reverence, and deference He deserves.
2. To build healthy relationships, prioritize people. Or, in this case, God. I don’t have to tell you that a million things are vying for our attention and time. And to be honest, I believe it to be a cunning ploy of the enemy. The Bible teaches that our “adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8).”
Satan is intentional. He’s on the move. And he’s seeking to destroy you!
Simply put, Satan’s goal is to keep lost people lost and saved people from being effective followers of Jesus. Therefore,
if you don’t know Jesus as your personal Savior and the Lord of your life, that’s exactly where the devil wants you—LOST. Ask yourself what distractions are getting in the way of seeking to know God.
if you’re saved by the unmerited grace and mercy of Jesus, nobody (including Satan) can snatch you out of the Father’s hand (John 10:28-30).” Ask yourself what distractions keep drawing your attention away from growing in your relationship with God.
If your goal is to build a healthy relationship with God, do what you should be doing in your relationships with people. I say, should be doing because we’ve normalized and justified many of our distractions.
Protect your time. Shut out the noise. Don’t just turn your phone upside down, put it away. Turn the ringer off. Be present. Love the One you’re with.
3. To build healthy relationships, plan ahead. If I want to spend time with God before work, school, or the daily grind of life, I need to be aware of anything that might get in the way of that. As a personal example (and one I’m still working on), I know if I go to bed late, it will impact the time I get up in the morning. That, in turn, will affect the amount of time I spend with God. Therefore, planning must happen the night before. Some things can’t be helped, but binging one more episode of MONK is a choice.
4. To build healthy relationships, allot enough time. Last week I scheduled lunch with a friend for 1:00 on Friday afternoon. Both of us are talkers, so our lunchtime prayer always includes asking God to stretch our time. Lynn walked into CAVA (our favorite healthy lunch local) with a look of frustration on her face. “You’re not going to believe this,” she announced. “My boss just let me know he wants to meet at 2:00.” That meant we only had 45 minutes to get all our words out. IMPOSSIBLE!
The same frustration happens when plans to spend quality time with God get shortened. Here are a few random scenarios:
My plan was to spend time with God this morning. However, I went to bed late, so I pressed the snooze on my alarm one—two—three times. By the time got to the QT (Quiet Time) Zone with the only ONE able to nourish my soul, I had to grab a proverbial “piece of toast” and run out the door. There just wasn’t enough time to sit down to a healthy, filling “meal.” I’ll do better tomorrow.
OR
I’m not a morning person, so I’ve decided to spend time with God at night. I even added it to my calendar as a reoccurring date. After work I went to the gym where a friend insisted I join her for a bite to eat. I got home two hours later than usual and finally settled in the QT Zone. Almost immediately my eyelids began to flutter. And after reading the same Bible passage for the third time, I realized I didn’t have the mental capacity to focus. So, I whispered a short prayer of apology to the only ONE able to nourish my soul, turned on the TV, and fell asleep on the couch while watching MONK. I’ll do better tomorrow.
There is a lie that has been perpetuated in our society for hundreds of years. It states that quality of relationship is more important than quantity. Without getting into the weeds, the truth is quality of time and quantity of time are not interchangeable. Relationships depend on both. Just as with any relationship, the more you invest the greater your return on investment.
5. To build healthy relationships, be a good listener. Spending time with God can encompass a variety of things: A.C.T.S. (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication), Bible reading, journaling, etc. All of these are good, but when you do all the talking:
The focus may be self-centered rather than God-centered.
The relationship might be one-sided.
Growth is stunted.
Learn to sit in silence and soak up the wisdom God is delighted to give. Psalm 46 asserts, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
6. To build healthy relationships, go to the source.
Story Time: Lucy went to a bridal shower for her friend Becca and met Becca’s cousin, Rachel. Rachel stood out. She was tall and slender with piercing green eyes. Suspenders held up her oversized striped trousers, while an red beret sat atop fiery, orange curls. Lucy was impressed with Rachel’s knowledge on a variety of subjects but homed in on her love for folk music and visual arts. On her way home, Rachel speed-dialed her single brother, Nathan, and told him she met the girl of his dreams.
For the next twelve months, Nathan asked Rachel to call Lucy to find out:
her favorite folk bands, foods, and books
where she likes to go on vacation
what she studied in school
her long-range dreams and aspirations, etc.
Then, after a year, Nathan bought a ring and gave it to Rachel to give to Lucy. Along with the ring he sent a scripted proposal, which she was to read and give a response…
What’s my point? It doesn’t make sense to go through a third party to build a healthy relationship.
I am not trying to be disrespectful of those who write Christ-centered, biblically accurate devotionals. I assume the authors of these inspirational books spent hours upon hours listening and learning from God. But they’re the ones who sat in His presence and built the relationship.
if you want to know God , go to God !
7. To build healthy relationships, don’t allow your feelings to dictate your “want to.” Don’t judge, but there have been times when I was so sick and tired of relationship, I didn’t want my husband, three sons, or two dogs to touch me. I wanted me time—alone time—selfish time. The thought of buying a one-way ticket to Jamaica came and went according to my mood. I had a million reasons for feeling the way I did, but my feelings were not allowed to dictate reality. Okay, let’s be honest, sometimes they got their way, but I never ended up by myself in Jamaica!
Relationships are difficult, because, for the most part, they are intimately attached to feelings. Feelings are God-given, but they are meant to inform relationships, not drive them.
Question: What should we do when we just don’t feel like spending time with God? (It’s okay to say that out loud. He’s perfectly aware of our fickle feelings.)
Answer: Do it anyway. That’s how relationships work. We don’t get to run away because we’re having a bad day. And believe it or not, the blessing is oftentimes in the sacrifice.
8. To build healthy relationships, seek restoration. The Lord’s Prayer in Matthew 6:9-13 teaches us to forgive as we’ve been forgiven.
Jesus’ death on the cross bridged the great divide between God and man for whosoever would believe (John 3:16). His sacrifice was the propitiation (payment) necessary to cover the cost of our rebellion (sin).
Jesus did all the work to reconcile us to God, and now we’re told to forgive as we’ve been forgiven. In other words, be like Jesus. Forgive like Jesus. Restore relationships like Jesus. Value others like Jesus.
Okay! Okay! I get it!
But what if the broken relationship is between you and God? Well, that’s both easier and harder at the same time. It’s easier, because there is no question who the guilty party is.
Uh… If you’re not tracking with me, IT’S YOU!
But here’s the beautiful part, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).”
It’s harder, in my opinion, because the sin is not against another sinner, it’s against God. It’s against the One who sacrificed His only Son to reconcile the lost and bring us back into relationship.
Attached to our sin may be shame (not of God), condemnation (not of God), and/or conviction (the Holy Spirit’s means of restoring us to God). Therefore, it may be difficult to lift our eyes unto the Lord. Just remember, it was for our sins Jesus died. He took them upon Himself and paid the price to remove them from us as far as the east is from the west
CONFESS—REPENT—RESTORE
The Biblical meaning of the word repent in Hebrew (shuv) is to turn and go in a different direction. The Greek (metanoiein) means to change one’s mindset. The Bible tells us true repentance results in a change of actions (Luke 3:8-14).
9. To build healthy relationships, take them with you wherever you go. I know this analogy is a bit lame, but when I leave home, I’m still married to my husband. My actions, words, and thoughts should reflect that truth. That means I don’t take off my wedding band or flirt with other men, because my relationship with Kevin goes with me wherever I go.
A Psalm of David “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.” Psalm 139:7-10
It's the same with God, except He (Holy Spirit) literally goes with His children wherever they go. Therefore, seek Him in the morning to prepare for the day. But as you go, remember He goes with you. He is with you at work, rest, and play. He is with you on the mountaintops and in the valleys. There is no where you can go where He is not. His is a never-ending, moment-by-moment relationship.
10. To build healthy relationships, know your own value. There are a lot of people walking around with deep wounds because they allowed someone else to dictate their value. When you know who you are and, more importantly, whose you are, it strengthens you to detect and deflect the lies, manipulations, and tactics of such people.
God gave every person inherent value when He created mankind in His image and likeness. He went on to “demonstrate His love for us in this; while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).” Ephesians 1:4-5 says He chose us before the creation of the world and calls us sons and daughters.
When you know what God says about you, it is easy to discern lies from truth. When you know what God says about you, it is easy to know His voice from the voice of Satan.
